Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Gimme The Jon Bon, Please.

I know, I know.  You all wish so badly I'd had my cell phone with me at my hair appointment, so I could have taken a shot of my Knots Landing 'do prior to its date with that last bottle of toner. 

But, alas, I didn't.

And in the state I was in at that moment, I'm really not sure I could've remembered how to work the buttons anyway.

But fear not...I can provide you with visual evidence of the disaster!

Remember I told you my hair was a grayish color with platinum, almost-white streaks all throughout?  Remember I said it reminded me of the ever-popular frosted hairdo of the 80s?  Well.  What I forgot to tell you was the part about the diffuser.  And, really, it's key to helping you understand how No Cry Kristy found herself so distraught over something as silly as hair.

So, after Perky Girl lifted the towel (and brought me a paper bag to breathe into), she asked me to please let her "just dry it" so we could see if the color would "even out some".  She asked me how I normally styled it at home (I guess she thought at that point a little normalcy would help calm the rising panic in the room).  I told her I just usually let it air dry, for the most part, but that I sometimes used the diffuser a few minutes to add a bit of volume and curl, when I wanted it to look especially nice.

She quickly pulled out the diffuser.

I yanked my glasses off so she could work freely, without anything hindering the fix-it process.  I felt like we were in a delicate spot.  Like if we did everything right from this point forward, the zebra stripes in my grey-green hair would magically disappear.  I held my head perfectly still.  (I know.  But when you're praying for a miracle, you want to make everything as miracle-friendly as possible.)  The more she diffused, the more poufant-y I started to feel, but I just kept my eyes closed and pictured myself in my Happy Place...with good hair.  When she finally told me I could put my glasses back on, this is what sat staring back at me in the mirror. Pretty much spot-on.


Well, minus the come-hither eyes, pursed lips, and eagle talon earring. My subdued make-up and smaller-than-a-windshield glasses may have said 2010, but my hair said, "Whoa OHHHH...livin' on a prayer!"  I was ready to rock.it.OUT.

Only Richie and Tico were no where to be found.  Now you understand the tears.

10 comments:

Kristen said...

LMAO...ok,now I really need the real shot!

Anonymous said...

You made me laugh out loud on this one! And I know your father's exaggeration gene has kicked in!

Anonymous said...

Ah. That explains all.

~Rachel G.

Anonymous said...

I think I had this poster hanging in my locker in the 8th grade!

Kelly

Kritter Krit said...

Au contraire, Mom! THIS is what my hair looked like.

I had a slightly less heavy bang than Jon Bon...because, well, it's not the 80's. But once she diffused the heck out of it, it had the same texture as this and it, in all seriousness, was the same color with the same white streaks.

WHY DO YOU THINK I CRIED????

You know me, I don't cry over hair, for Pete's sake.

It was a new kind of bad.

Chrissi said...

Hair gone bad is a serious deal! Hope that you were able to get some assistance from my friends at Studio 8!!

Anonymous said...

Girl, next time take a picture! It might get you six months of free haircuts!

Meredith

Kritter Krit said...

Meredith, I know, I wish I would have! But, apart from not having my cell phone with me, really, I was just so stunned. I mean, it was kind of surreal. I hadn't seen anyone from any of the Big Hair Bands since I was in highschool. And yet there I sat - totally ready for the Slippery When Wet Tour.

Anonymous said...

You know what would have been more awesome, Kristy? This hairdo, on you, in the MHS band room while we played Living on a Prayer practicing for half time. Hells yeah.

Dianna

Ariah Fine said...

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